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Frank van Marwijk - Don't Be Afraid to Manipulate
Gaining control over others and yourself
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Develop more self-confidence and control for everyday situations by researching the subtle secrets of body language. Discover how you achieve more in business and personal relations.
Learn how to:
- Make a good first impression
- Radiating natural self-confidence
- Get the attention you deserve
- Receiving appreciation
- Getting things done with others
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Published in December 2008 | Paperback | 152 pages | ca. 39,000 words
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Frank van Marwijk is the Netherlands’ premier body language expert. He provides training and lectures, and wrote the bestsellers Don’t Be Afraid to Manipulate, Manipulation at Work, and The Big Book of Compliments. He is a media darling and has analyzed the behavior of countless Dutch VIPs.
‘Sometimes you get more things done in conflict when you just apologize for you part in the fight. You can even help the other by saying sorry. You will not advance when you get stuck in a fight between being right and wrong.’ – Trouw
‘No, the book Don’t Be Afraid to Manipulate doesn’t teach you tips to become a sly, underhand creep. The work from body language expert Frank van Marwijk has a positive intention. Reading the book shows you how to achieve much, no very much, with your colleagues, boss, and clients. By listening and watching them closely, according to the author. Okay, there are a few mean tricks, the author admits, like the twelve tried and tested methods to act like you are busy for instance. People think negatively about manipulation, but it’s not.’ – Algemeen Dagblad
‘With manipulation, managers can enhance their persuasion. Frank van Marwijk shows that most cultures have a taboo on manipulation, so managers, entrepreneurs, and employees have developed this skill insufficiently.’ – Express.be
‘A book for under the Christmas tree, or just for yourself.’ – Delaatstemeter.nl
‘Make sure that the emotion you show match what you are saying. And it is useful if people talk about you. Two tips for managers from Frank van Marwijk. He states that managers should manipulate his employees more. Because managers, entrepreneurs, and employees are bad in manipulation, lots of good ideas remain unused. Managers waste lots of time in meetings, we don’t take enough risks, and decision-making is done badly and slowly. His book shows how manager can use tactics to prove you’re right, without being hurtful or getting into conflicts.’ – Computable
‘Chapter 6 is a must-read for salesmen. The power of good listening has a clear link with sympathizing. People who can listen, are generally more likable. A recommendation because it deals with much things we have to take into account daily as salesmen. And the book disproves the negative perception of manipulation. Easy to read, accessible, and interesting for anyone that communicates in a commercial manner.’ – SalesXeed
‘A BBC newsreader makes small manipulations by mispronouncing some words deliberately a few times. It gives an imperfect impression, which is easy on the listeners’ ears. With this book, you learn how to use small manipulation to reach your goals. You can achieve a lot using body language, compliments, and humor.’ – Quest Magazine
‘We admit: the word manipulation has a nasty ring. But it seems that manipulation can be taught and that it is recommended to do so. Use it for the all-important first impression (the first class after the summer holiday), for your appearance, the attention and appreciation you demand, your influence on decision-making, and the message you convey. In short: work on yourself. The author claims you need to be a good listener, and that you should be near your target group a lot. Easy solutions? Yes, but most of us are still secretly in an empty class room, predicting how our students will answer the questions we think up before we even had the chance to ask the question.’ – Vives
‘Despite my ethical objections, I have to admit that the book is clearly written and well-funded. It makes a convincing statement that one can hardly overestimate the need for proper body language. Someone who starts working, without getting a cup of coffee first, rushes through the hallway, devour their lunch behind their desk, and emits deep sighs regularly behind their computer, gives the impression of being hard at work. Whether they really are remains the question. The book explains the Pygmalion effect (people will act according to the expectations you have) and the Stanislavski method (being so emphatic that the accompanying emotions become real) instructively and entertainingly. The book offers an effective toolkit of techniques to steer processes in the direction you desire.’ – Limburg Entrepreneurs
Welcome to the world of manipulation! After reading this book you will have the skills to take more control of your life and get accomplished what it is you set out to do. People will do what you want them to, and they will, strangely enough, find the way you get them to do it charming. It works anywhere, anytime; at home with family members and friends or at work with colleagues or customers.
If you don’t want to manipulate, I’ll have to disappoint you. Everybody manipulates, even those for whom ‘manipulation’ is a dirty word. Manipulation is nothing more than exerting influence on others subtly by making use of subconscious channels. And you do that all the time and everywhere. Sometimes knowingly, often unknowingly. Without your noticing, you influence the people you meet at work or during your off time on a daily basis. Simply your presence and the manner in which you do things has an effect on the thoughts and behavior of others, and can come across as attractive or repellent.
Not only your words have meaning. You communicate with your entire being. Your body language and the intonation of your voice modifies the message you are sending. It makes a difference if you look at your conversation partner or not, as well as the distance you stand from each other. Even absence, silence or lack of response can have meaning.
Your entire presentation of yourself contains hidden suggestions and expectations that others react to. So, you are, in actual fact, already influencing. You can’t not! Now it is simply a matter of mastering the art of doing that better and more consciously.
Manipulating is only ‘bad’ when others are wronged by it. If you learn to manipulate better, that doesn’t mean that, per definition, you will become an unpleasant person who tries to get their way through devious tricks and at the cost of others. As previously mentioned, you will actually be more appreciated if you have a good grasp on the art of manipulation. How do you pull that off? By getting to know and understand the people around you better. It’s not that you will capsule yourself off and become a horrible egocentric if you manipulate others, but rather you will open yourself up to others. You will become more involved, listen more attentively and become more in-tune with them. You will understand their needs, goals, wishes and underlying motivations much better and take these elements, in a limited way, into account.
If you consciously respond to the images, wishes and expectations of others, you will be able to win more trust, thus receiving support for your plans. And you will also notice that there are always people ready and waiting to help you do what you want.
At the beginning, you will be surprised by what you can achieve. You might possibly be anxious that other could punish you for your new, calculating manner. But pretty quickly, you will discover that it hasn’t even shown up on their radar. The way in which you interact with them -- in a clever, but still honest and positive fashion -- will command respect. Your relationships with others will not worsen, but improve.
Introduction
1 Manipulation, everybody does it
For your own good
Manipulating others and yourself
2 You are a communication instrument
More personal insight
How to show yourself
Manipulating your emotions
3 What you get is what you see
The proper suggestion
Keeping up appearances
4 Creating expectations
The Pygmalion effect
Positive expectations
Making expectations come true
5 Persuasion with sympathy
Accumulating souls by being nice
Keeping an eye on others
Creating proximity
Talking with having something to say
6 The power of really listening
A good listener
What is your listening preference?
Responding to the listening preference of others
Regulating the conversation with your eyes
7 Casual cooperation
Lightness and humor
Be generous with compliments
Saying it like it is
A casual touch
8 Be recognizable for others
Successful and appreciated
Reflecting discreteness
What and when do you reflect?
9 A positive attitude
Rather ‘yes’ than ‘no’
Using your charms
Let other take all the credit
Omit criticism
Be convinced that you are nice!
Show self-confidence
10 Enhance your popularity
Selective perception and restricted memory
Repeat yourself
Create a recognizable image
Become a crowd pleaser
Leave your traces
Increase your findability
Exploit your expertise
Winners write history
Become a celebrity
A beloved topic
Catch the positive eye
11 Clever manipulation techniques
The judo tactics
Trading with insider knowledge
Providing one-sided information
The salami tactics
The chess tactics
Juggling with time
Proposing the impossible
Perseverance wins
Fighting a delayed fight
Talking instead of doing
Divide and conquer
12 Manipulating the meeting
Creating a creative agenda
Managing the minutes
Communicating on several levels
Speaking or keeping silent?
The manipulating look
About the author
Recommended reading