Floor de Ruiter - Driven by Dialogue


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If fear is driving us apart, dialogue will bring us together

Forget all you have ever learned about communication and the objective to carry across a goal, message or image as effectively as possible. Instead, rely on your natural talents and the realization that true communication begins with empathy.

Everyone knows the wonder of a truly intense personal conversation, when you feel a strong connection based on real interest in each other and mutual respect. In fact you ‘synchronize’ each other’s frames and the message seems to arise almost spontaneously. Driven by Dialogue decodes the flow of such a good dialogue and enables you, with the right preparation, to create this wonder anytime and anywhere. Effective not just in a one-to-one setting, but also for groups.

Empathy can be easier or harder, depending on the situation. That is why this book offers a special tool on the pretext of: ‘If you don’t understand people, you don’t understand communication’. Every person is unique, but in the field of communication this diversity is ultimately built up from a number of natural basis perspectives. These different outlooks are each defined by a color which helps to gain insight in values and emotions of both the listener and the speaker within the context of an event or social development.

The unique combination of these two approaches makes Driven by Dialogue a two-sided communication model, which is increasingly being applied in crisis communication. It is however, especially a plea and instrument for leadership that does not focus on selling a message, but on creating connection, providing meaning to social developments and leading true transformations. A process in which leaders like Nelson Mandela have shown us the way and which will help us truly solve the challenges of our time.

Published in June 2018 | Paperback | 288 pages | ca. 64,000 words
Full English manuscript available
English edition published by Flying Elephants

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Floor de Ruiter is the founder and partner of Flying Elephants, an international social enterprise specialized in guiding change in critical situations, like crisis or conflict, or when a company or individual wants to reinvent itself. Strong in connecting people with different and extreme perspectives and interests, guiding them towards innovative and practical solutions for systems or organizational change.

Floor de Ruiter is an expert in communication and organizational culture. He guides leaders in communicating effectively and assists organizations through difficult change processes. He has developed his own method for effective communication based on his first book Value Framing. He has trained hundreds of leaders in communicating during emotionally charged situations.


1. Driven by dialogue
2. The authenticity trap
3. Mandela’s secret
4. Re-thinking dialogue
5. Re-inventing dialogue the deconstruction of communication
6. Re-searching dialogue: when you listen carefully, you see that everything has a color
7. Spiral Dynamics: facing values
8. The dialogue from within
9. Re-construction dialogues: values and frames
10. Team dialogues: the most critical form of communication
11. Leadership dialogues
12. Service and customer dialogues
13. Community dialogues: situational governance
14. Learning dialogues
15. facilitating dialogues: situational governance
16. Conclusion: Driven by dialogue as a weapon for sanity
17. Acknowledgements
18. Appendix
19. Sources

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